I went to the first support group meeting at the hospital where I will be having my gastric bypass in April, and I really enjoyed it. I had reservations because it is 2 hours long and I just didn't know what to expect for 2 hours. The first hour they had a nutritionist talk to us about foods and meal planning, portion sizes and what order to eat your food. It was very informative. The second hour was spent in a circle discussing certain talking points. There were about 20 people there and maybe 5 or 6 of us haven't had surgery yet. Many subjects came up and I can tell that these people will be a great support as I embark on this journey. They are a wealth of information and there are people there at all stages, everyone from those of us who had not had surgery yet to some who are years out. I definitely plan to go monthly to the support group meetings.
My wake up call at the support group meeting was when one of the ladies was commenting on how skinny one of the other ladies had gotten and she said "I'm not jealous of you, I just wish I had been more serious about losing weight before I had surgery so I could gotten down lower after surgery." I will be honest, I have been playing the game I always play, dieting some days and other eating whatever I fancy. The last two weeks I have been up .8 pounds both weeks. It may seem like a 1.6 pound gain in 2 weeks isn't a big deal but in the grand scheme of things since my first weigh in on January 6th I am only down 6.8 pounds and 4.2 of those pounds were lost the first week. I am finally coming to terms with the fact that I have an eating disorder, I am a food addict and I am tired of the games I play with myself. I have obviously been "playing the game" my whole life and it has to stop. I will never be successful long-term with this weight loss surgery if I don't fix my head. I have decided that once I get the surgery I am going to start seeing a therapist to deal with my food issues as well as starting to deal with things that happened in my childhood, and in my past that I never dealt with. I have had a lifetime of heartache and I am coming to realize that I have just turned off my emotions because feeling nothing is better than dealing with the pain. I have sacrificed the happy in order to not feel or deal with the sad. I have squashed everything so deep inside that it's eating me up. I think my emotions have manifested as a food addiction and I need to figure this out as my journey progresses.
That being said, I have my 17 day diet book in front of me and I am going to re-read it this weekend and start the diet on Monday. I know I felt wonderful on it when I did it a year and a half ago so maybe this will be the ticket for me to get myself in check and take off some weight before surgery. It is a high protein, lower carb diet and that will help me transition into the way I will need to be eating after surgery. I really want to weigh 240# when I go into surgery, that would give me 90# to lose to reach 150#. I could live at a weight of 150# and be happy.
I am having a really hard time giving up caffeine. I drink caffeine in the form of coffee and water mix-ins when I work my 3-12 hours nights shifts on the weekends. I try to not drink caffeine during the week when I am off and at about the 24 hour mark of no caffeine I develop a horrible migraine. I then have a cup of coffee and it feels better. Last week I had a combination hormonal/lack of caffeine migraine that lasted 3-4 days. This week it was about a day and a half. I think I am going to pick up some half-caff coffee at the store and at least switch to that and see if that helps. I am also going to stop buying the energy water mix ins, they have a ton of caffeine in them. I bought some V8 energy cans I want to try at work and see if it actually works for me. I think it's caffeine comes from green tea which is much lower than coffee or the mix-ins. I will probably have a half caff coffee at then try the V8. Maybe instead of starting my shift with a cup of coffee as is my habit, I will wait and hour or two into my shift and then have coffee. I still haven't gone back to diet sodas so that makes me happy. I think that is a habit that is finally broken.
My weigh in today was 258.4# which is a .8 gain from last week. My total loss so far is 6.8#. I haven't been to the gym all week, the excuses about that have to stop, too. I know I can't work out when I have a migraine, but what about the other days I didn't go. I guess I am my own worse enemy!! I downloaded some fitness apps to my tablet, I'll review those when I start using them too.
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