What doesn't kill me...

What doesn't kill me will make me stronger.

I started my 2 week pre-op liquid diet on Monday the 25th, the first two days were great and then yesterday BAM migraine from hell with nausea.  Let me tell you what, trying to drink those nasty shakes is bad enough when you feel fine but when you have a headache and nausea it is 100 times worse.  It's not that the shakes taste that terrible but when you have to drink 5 of them per day it gets old real fast, especially when you aren't feeling good.  I will muscle through it, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Today is day 4 so only 10 more days to go...ha!  My headache feels somewhat better today but that doesn't mean it won't flare up again.  I haven't taken any ibuprofen because I was advised not to because it is a blood thinner and we don't want that for surgery.  I have been taking tylenol which doesn't really touch the headache for me, maybe slightly takes the edge off.  I have imitrex injections that I use for my migraines and I used one yesterday and it helped for a couple of hours and then the headache came back.  I think unless I absolutely have to I am going to hold onto the 3 injections I have here at home for after surgery in case I have a migraine again from the narcotics or whatever.

I never really realized how many food commercials there are on TV or how many damn dessert recipes people pin on pinterest...holy shit!  I miss food and more specifically I miss chewing.  Chewing sugar free jello and sugar free popsicles doesn't really count!  I know it will be quite a while until I get to eat, but man, those food commercials really get me.  I saw someone post something about a peanut butter sandwich on facebook this morning and I thought how good a peanut butter sandwich would taste.  I never ate peanut butter sandwiches in the past, ever...lol!  I think I just miss food.  Honestly, though, I feel strong, I have no desire to cheat and I really don't have physical hunger most of the time, it's more head hunger, something sounds good or I remember how good it tasted in the past.  I will get past this.  I'm not going to cheat.  I'm not going to justify just a taste of this or that.  I am in this for the long haul and I am strong and able to do this!

Now let's get to the weigh in.  I weighed in this morning and I am down 4.2 pounds.  Keep in mind I pretty much ate crap the last half of last week and over last weekend.  Not an all out food binge but some definite high carb meals and sweet treats.  I started my liquid diet Monday so I'm sure that weight came off in the few days I have been on the liquid diet and I'm not surprised, it comes in at about 800 calories per day.  So I am down a total of 17.6# since January and I need to lose a little over 7 more pounds by surgery to hit my goal of going into the hospital at 240#.

One last thing...chicken broth is my friend!  The shakes aren't super sweet but they are  sweet-ish and seeing that is the majority of what I am taking in that one flavor gets overwhelming.  At night when I am sitting on my computer or watching TV I make a big cup of chicken broth and it just hits the spot.  I sip at it and it is hot an salty and makes me feel more like I am having some food.  Just thought I'd share...lol!!

I will post next week or sooner if I have something great to say :)

Thursday weigh in and damn you carbs!!

I am officially done with all of my pre-op appointments!!  FINALLY!  Now I am just waiting on the final insurance approval and I can breathe a sigh of relief.  18 days to go!  I can't even believe how fast it is coming up!!  It seemed like it was so far off and now it is almost here.  I have so many emotions right now,  excited, nervous, happy, scared, but mostly just ready to get on with this and get on with my new healthy life!  I keep thinking about things in my life and comparing what I see now versus next year at this time.  For instance the swimming suits are out in the stores and I think about how next year at this time I will be thinner and able to buy a new swimming suit in a smaller size.  Things like that help me put it in perspective.

One thing I did find out at my pre-op appointment with my surgeon is that he leaves the incision that he passes the stapler through, open, and it needs to be packed and have dressing changes until it heals.  It is to prevent infection.  I told my husband about wound packing and he said it made his knees feel weak just thinking about it.  I am a nurse so I am fine with that kind of thing but my husband is pretty squeemish.  Hopefully it will be in an area I can reach and see to do it myself, if not either he is going to have to suck it up and do it or I will have to see if my mom will come over to do it.  I'll be sure to post pictures when I get that far.

My weigh in this week showed a gain and that is no surprise.  I haven't been on an all out eating frenzy by any means, but I did have my potato soup and bread with butter from Panera yesterday and I have been having more carbs than usual this week.  I am up 2 pounds this week.  On Monday I start my 2 week liquid diet.  I will be interested to see how much weight I lose while I am doing it.  I really want to be at or under 240# on the day of surgery so that means I have to lose around 12#.  If I go into the hospital at 240# I will have a personal goal of losing 90#.  I would be happy to get to 150# and maintain there, if I lose more, great, but 150# is the goal.  I think I can do it, the liquid diet only gives me 800-900 calories per day.  I will be buying sugar free jello and sugar free popsicles to get me through, I know that!

I will post again next week once I am on the liquid diet.  Until then... 

Thursday weigh in and appointments

I had the pre-op appointments with my dietician and then one with the surgeon today.  The dietician went over a whole folder full of things.  Next on my list, finding meal replacement shakes for my 2 week liquid protein diet.  I have a list of recommended shakes now so I can figure out what I need and buy enough for two weeks.  We also talked about things after the surgery, how the diet progresses, how to get enough protein, what I should look for on labels, etc...  I think we talked for almost an hour.  After my appointment with the dietician I saw the surgeon and his nursing team.  We discussed all the details of surgery and tied up any lose ends.  One thing I'm not too crazy about is that he leaves one of the incisions open ( the one the stapler has to pass through) and it has to be packed with gauze and changed daily to prevent infection.  I have no problem with that stuff, I'm a nurse, but my queasy husband, who may have to do the packing and dressing changes for me, may not be too excited to have to do it.  I did find out that my annual physical with my OB/GYN that I just had last week won't be able to be used for my pre-op physical, so I have that set up for Monday.  After Monday's physical, everything can be submitted to the insurance and I hold my breath until I get the final OK from them.

I got all of my leave of absence stuff squared away at work today.  Talked to the leave of absence office, emailed my boss, human resources, and employee health.  It's funny, I really didn't plan to tell everyone what I am having done but now I am thinking I might.  I was chatting with one of the night shift nurses on facebook a little earlier because she popped up and asked if I was OK, she had heard I was taking a leave of absence for surgery.  Word sure traveled fast!  In less than 12 hours my co-workers heard.  Now of course everyone who hears I am having surgery gets worried that it is something serious and if someone asks me I guess I will tell them.  I work in a small unit and I'm sure everyone will know just what surgery I am going to have whether I want them to or not.

My weigh in at home this morning was good.  I am down another 2# for the week and down a total of  15.4# by my scale since January.  In the surgeon's office I was down 15# since they first weighed me in in December.  I am cool with that!!  The dietician actually told me to enjoy my last week of eating food (within reason of course).  I did have a fish sandwich and fries for supper tonight, but I am going to continue my diet tomorrow and over the weekend.  I am feeling too good to go crazy on carbs and then have to withdraw from them again.  I plan on having a bowl of potato soup from Panera next week some time but that is really the only "cheat" meal I have planned.  I love that soup and hunk of bread with butter.  I know I will find suitable food substitutions as I progress down this weight loss path but that is one thing I really want to have, so I will.

I will update again next week.  24 days until surgery!  Wow that sure came up fast!!  I am nervous and excited all at the same time.

Thursday weigh in...17 day diet still going well!

I am still following the principles of the 17 day diet, basically low carb, high protein, and it has been going well.  Today when I stepped on the scale I was down another 3 pounds!!  I am now down a total of 13.4 pounds since January 6th when I started watching what I was eating.  That puts my weight at 251.8, hopefully next week I can get into the 240s.  My goal is to go into surgery at 240 pounds, that gives me 90 pounds to lose post op to get to 150 pounds.  I could live at 150 pounds and be happy.  Plus having to lose 90 pounds sounds so much better than 100 pounds to me for some reason.  Apparently a good portion of weight comes off with the 2 week pre-op liquid diet so I am thinking I shouldn't have any trouble getting to 240 pounds before surgery, only 11.8 pounds to go.  I start my liquid diet on March 25th and surgery is April 8th.  It seemed like it was so far off and now it feels like it is coming up fast!

Next week is going to busy with appointments.  I see the psychiatrist for my pre-op visit on Monday, and I see the dietician and the surgeon on Thursday.  These will be my last appointments before surgery.  It's starting to feel real now!  I had my yearly gyn check up yesterday and when my doctor left the room he shook my hand and told me he looked forward to seeing "less of me" when I come in next year!  It will be so neat to see what the change is because I should be about 11 months out from surgery at that point.

I have started a weight loss bucket list.  I know that is like the buzz phrase these days and it's kind of cliche to have a bucket list but I think in this instance, for me, it is a good idea to do.  I feel like everyone goes to kind of a dark place after surgery and thinks, "what the hell have I done", and I want to be able to have this bucket list to look at to remind myself of all the good things I have to look forward to as the weight starts coming off.  I am going to post my bucket list in a text box to the right of my blog and I plan on adding to it as I think of things to add.  I am kind of excited that I came up with this idea :)

I will update my weigh in next week and how my appointments went.  Until then...